i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
