But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
