Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
