Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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