remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
