i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
