You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
