Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
