the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
