sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
