Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
