i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
