i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
