When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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