You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
