May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
