We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize