I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
