I cannot find my penis.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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