Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
