you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
