Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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