We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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