He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
