my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
