I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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