Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
