i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
