sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
