And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
