Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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