i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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