did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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