I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
