I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina is very pro this idea
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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