i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
