The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
