What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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