I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize