My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
