found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
