trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
