we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
