I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
