Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
