I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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