I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
