I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
