Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
