he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
