I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The beers last night were like the tears from god
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
