dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
