so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
