I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
