I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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