i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
