I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
