Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize