They should really pass out barf bags in church
I could make wine with my vomit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
