You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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