I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize