I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
