It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
