I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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