I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
