You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize